Quit Mansplaining Raising Dairy Goats To Me: A Blog

Revisiting yesterday’s topic of biosecurity.

I want to talk about the group of CL-positive goats I bought. The year would’ve been, probably, 2005. I did not have LaManchas at the time. I had purchased three purebred Alpine does from a seller dispersing a herd. I hadn’t had goats in several years, but my daughter was getting old enough that I thought she would like raising goat kids.

At the time, I had some other livestock advertised for sale, and someone reached out asking to trade a group of goats for one of the animals I had. They wanted the animal as a Christmas present for a child, but had no money to pay for it. I was concerned that they wouldn’t be able to care for the animal if they couldn’t afford the purchase price, so I offered to just buy their group of goats. They would have money for a Christmas present for their kid (hopefully a present that didn’t eat or require upkeep), and the goats would fit in well in my new little herd. They had very good pedigrees, and had been bred by a then well-known herd (that no longer exists).

I asked about CAE and CL status, and was assured they were tested and clean. I didn’t ask for proof. I had them delivered to me, sight unseen. Yes, I made every mistake. I thought I saw an opportunity to do something to help a family out, to help some goats out, to help my fledging herd out. Some part of me thought the universe wanted this for me.

I noticed the abscesses and swollen glands when the goats were unloaded. They never set foot in my barn. There was a buck, an open doe, a bred doe. I put them in a horse trailer. I had vet out immediately, tested, and got the worst news I could’ve gotten under the circumstances, and just in time for Christmas. All symptomatic, and all very CL positive. It’s an absolutely sickening feeling.

I reached back out to the former owners, who denied all knowledge of the infections. I asked them if they would be willing to keep my money, and take the goats back. I would ship them back at my expense. They said no.

I had my vet euthanize the open doe, and the buck. I didn’t know what else to do. I might do it differently now. But I just couldn’t have that disease on my property, or in my herd. On some level, I hate that I had it in me to make that choice, and to do that to them.

It got worse, though. I quarantined that bred doe in that trailer until she went into labor. Of course, I was careful not to cross-contaminate, but I spent time with her and got attached to her. I did want to try to keep her kids, raise them, test them when they were old enough. Get something good out of that heartbreakingly bad situation.

I’d kidded out a lot of does by this time, and was fairly good at recognizing and fixing dystocias. But I missed this one. The doe passed her mucus plug, and was uncomfortable, but not in active labor, never pawing, never down and pushing, for about 24 hours. I checked her every hour, then sat with her, watching. Finally I washed up and put a hand in her. The kid was backwards and upside-down, and stuck-stuck behind her pelvis. And he was dead. And I had my vet come out and euthanize that poor doe, still in the trailer, next to that dead kid. And I hate myself for it. And I wouldn’t do that again. But I was so cocksure it was the only answer. I held her while she died.

Honestly, it was probably the right answer. I don’t know.

I did ask questions, then. Discreetly. And people responded. Discreetly. I was told in whispers that the original breeder’s herd was known to be riddled with CL. It was a poorly kept secret, but a secret kept well enough that I walked into it, unsuspecting, trying to do a good thing, and thinking I was getting a good thing in return. I can’t even be angry.

Apparently the gist of it was, they believed if it ran rampant through their herd, the goats would get it, get over it, get immunity, no big deal. Except it doesn’t quite work that way. It would’ve made no sense to introduce those goats to my existing herd, and let to it run through my goats too.

I think about those goats a lot. I still won’t have CL on my property. Abscesses have other causes too, and goats do get them, but any time I see anything looking like the start of one, we isolate, lance, test, retest. And every time, I’m sick to my stomach with worry until the negative results come back.

When this happened, I tested my other, unexposed goats just to be safe. Then again four weeks later. Then at six months. Then at a year. They stayed negative.

You look at losses like that, and try to find the lesson. What did I learn? What lives did I save later? What made their sacrifice worth it?

I’m kind of in a place now where I think the shitty things just happen. The universe isn’t out to get you, nor is it trying to make you wise. I’ve carried this experience forward, tried to apply what it taught me. I do check cervixes sooner now. I’ve fixed dystocias now I’d have missed back then. I spot those upside-down-and-backwards kids and I so enjoy the satisfaction I get sorting and delivering them alive. But maybe the point wasn’t any of that. Maybe it was just a big cluster fuck of a tragedy from the jump, and I made it worse. Or just, maybe I made it one.

I defend a lot of people pretty ferociously when I see them getting dragged for what other people perceive to be poor choices. There has to be some grace, some forgiveness, some understanding for those people whose choices have these outcomes. I think we’re all trying to do the best we can, with varying degrees of luck and success.